This past week or two has been quite eventful..
To start off with, I should explain that I was (yet another) depressed teenager, and I was stuck fairly deep in that rut. I had/have a problem with procrastination.. and this is no regular procrastination, this is an epic – nay, Godly ability to procrastinate. So I went through long periods unemployed, not attending jobs I had, not doing homework, and general idleness. I’d go through phases when I’d do chores and try to get stuff done so I didn’t feel so bad about it, but those phases only lasted for a couple days, maybe a week at most.
Being a procrastinator, and being depressed, and a being a girl is a surefire way to develop a self esteem issue.
Me and my superior intellect figured this shit out, but knowing didn’t help that much, just gave me something to further nitpick at… how I couldn’t overcome simple feelings and just move on. I didn’t really realize how bad my depression was until halfway through gr. 11 in highschool. I thought that everyone felt this way, that it was normal. Then there were Public Service Announcements on the television about being ‘sad’ and all that jazz. I don’t know why, but I honestly thought all the other kids wanted to die too..
Ugh.. I feel like I’m being a whiner. But I’m not, just trying to explain why all the changes I’m making now are so exciting. I’m perfectly aware that a majority of the world has worse circumstances than myself.
Moving on to the current times… About 8 days shy of one year ago from today, I got together with my fiance.
a bit of info on that:
-He and I met at a call center when we were working there together, I saw him in the breakroom drawing, and asked about it and that was our first conversation. He’s a little color blind so he thought my eyes were purple, but he didn’t tell me at the time, but it got in interested in me.
– after we first met, we were instant friends. I didn’t realize at the time how wierd the connection was between us… we hadn’t even known eachother practically a week and we were holding hands and hugging, it just felt right. We started going to movies and talking on msn a lot.
-Everyone we worked with thought we were dating, even though we just thought we were really good friends and didn’t think holding hands was romantic at the time.
-after a while we tried romance, but the timing in our personal emotional lives wasn’t right.
-He was engaged to a hateful bitch whore from heck who cheated on him and he only found out after she dumped him, so he went on a trip overseas.. a very last minute sort of thing, I didn’t even know he’d left or where he was until I was really worried a few months later that he hadn’t replied to any of my messages and called the place we worked together, hoping that he was there so I could see what was going on. He was there! it was great, and we started talking again.
-Early 2009 we started having dinners together, I’d come over to his apartment and he’d make dinner and we’d watch a movie, it was really nice to hang out with him again.
– On March 27th 2009 we did another movie and dinner night.. we watched Repo! The Genetic Opera (which, by the way, is friggin awesome), and I ended up staying really late. We watched Mystery Science Theater 3000 until the not-so-wee-hours of the morning. We talked about all sorts of things.. mostly sexy talk, like which scifi characters would make a hot porno together. Finally I was sitting with his arm around me, waiting and waiting and waiting for him to kiss me. turns out he was nervous because once before we had kissed but it hadn’t felt right (right before he left on his trip), so he was scared it would be another bad kiss.. But! I was determined not to regret having not taken the chance, so I turned my head up and kissed him. IT WAS MAGICAL! intense and sensual and not at all tender, it was raw animal attraction bursting from our lips and I couldn’t stop. Seriously. We kissed for approximately 10 hours straight, passionate the entire time. I sustained tongue injuries from that kiss.
This is quite a long post, so I will stop there, and continue up to the present in my next one.
I mostly want to get some of my background situation established, so that I don’t have to try explaining things later on… I can just refer to this post, or another.