As Promised – a double-WHAMMY (part 2)

day 15 – in which I talk about some of my favorite movies

and finally! Today’s subject: What is my guilty pleasure?

I have a lot of pleasures that I should feel guilty about, I think, but I don’t really. I’m a fairly hedonistic kind of gal.

I’m not really that ashamed of my Spice Girls habit.

I recently found a mint condition Spice Girls school supply set.
I recently found a mint condition Spice Girls school supply set.

I also like to watch Drive (basically the only movie that makes me understand why girls get weak in the knees for Ryan Gosling), and other dramatic high octane movies for the hot people. It’s not the only reason I watch them, but it’s definitely a big perk.

Erika’s got a good one!

I haven’t forgotten about day 15, I had an essay due. I did finish it! but now it’s time to sleep, so I’ll do a double whammy for the 16th.

Day 14 worries

The thing I worry about the most is failure. I worry about a lot of small daily things and a few other larger things, but the theme is definitely failure. 

It’s the kind of worry that brings paralysis. For instance, for years I was so scared of failing at school and not knowing what I could be successful at, that I just didn’t go. Didn’t even apply, and when I attempted courses every couple years, I would become a horrible student. This isn’t a healthy worry at all. But I’m definitely getting better at working through the anxiety and keeping focus on the bigger picture. 

I worry about failing courses and wasting money and time, I worry about doing a couple years of my degree and finding out that it’s not for me, I worry about graduating and not being able to find a job, I worry about if I find a job and it’s not good enough to support the family I want to build. I worry about if I will be a bad mother someday, a bad partner, a bad friend. I know I’ve been a bad sister.

I don’t believe that there is a life after I die, so mostly I worry that I will have wasted my life. 

Being an adult sucks, because it’s all on you to accomplish what you want, and to even decide what you want in the first place. 

That probably sounds really pessimistic, and it kind of is. I think it’s easier to be able to adjust your goals and do what you need rather than try to live up to someone else’s idea of what you should be or what their plan is.

When I worry about little things I basically worry about failing to start or to complete them, so it’s all the same sort of thing.

Thing thing thing! I say that a lot haha, sorry!

 

One thing I don’t fail at is being a good knitter.  

Day 13 – Zodiac stuff

The question for day 13 is “what is your zodiac sign and does it fit your personality?”

Also, it’s quite fitting that the 13th is dedicated to something of a superstitious nature.

I’m a Leo. Leos are quite fantastic, in my opinion. But I think that the arrogant nature is really exaggerated because people are jealous that we are so amazing.

Generally I am a spot on Leo, except that I’m not very extroverted. I can be, but I definitely have a limit and after that has been reached I just can’t be with people anymore. I have a weekly quota for interactions with people, so if I am going to school and work, there’s not much extracurricular activity that I do. And to be frank, I’m not a fan of being in the limelight, but I will not refuse a compliment or any appreciation for things that I do.

I don’t put a lot of stock in zodiacs or other such hoodoovoodoo fancy stuff, but I think it’s a lot of fun. It gives ideas and can give you some insight about what you think you are. I have a friend who does tarot card readings and refused to do one for me because she knows I don’t believe in it. But honestly, even though I don’t think it can actually divine my future or anything, sometimes it can help me see problems in a new way and think of different perspectives on the events in life.

dec 2009me when I was looking super “leo” in 2009

Look at Erika’s post about zodiac stuff too!!

Day 12

what book could I read over and over again? I think that was the question for today.

I have to say that it would probably be Dune by Frank Herbert. I think I’ve read it about four times now, and each time I appreciate it more and more. Each reading brings a new set of details out, and it amazes me how much he packed into this book. 

I don’t have the chops to go into an in-depth review, and today was pretty rough. So I think I’ll leave it at that for now. I would like to talk more at length about this series at some point in the future, though. I’m going to add it to a list of topics.

Selfie Saturday -day 11

hi guys, another belated post… Since it is technically Sunday right now.

I was definitely not feeling pretty today, but instead of using a previous selfie like last week (which was basically cheating) I decided to suck it up and take one anyway! 

  

Been dealing with acne, but it’s slowly getting better since I got some pro-active the other week. My eyebrows are growing back, and I actually have most of my eyelashes! The first time in about 7 months…. I’m always scared that they won’t last because it’s always when I feel like I’m over it that I get another episode of pulling. Trich is a bitch.

Positives from today: I finished a take-home exam over 2 days early! And I feel pretty confident about it. I’m still going to go over it once more before I hand it in on Monday, but I’m super proud of myself. I also had a day with pretty much nothing on the negative thought front! Will and I were both feeling optimistic and had a wonderful relaxing day together, and we watched Daredevil on Netflix while we ate pancakes!!! Delivery pancakes! It was beautiful, they were really actually good, not soggy or anything and it was just so novel having breakfast delivered at 8pm on a Saturday. Totally recommend the experience.

Sadly, my phone is officially totalled. I was closing the window while holding it (stupid, I know) and it popped out of my hand and fell 6 stories down. The screen is completely un-readable, but it actually receives phone calls better than it was in the past month. I’ve had it for 4 or so years, and it was such a trooper.

RIP phone, I will treasure you forever

Also, here is my grumpy cat. She is grumpy cause she had to have a shower yesterday because of a yucky incident where poo got stuck to her butt.

 

  

Day 10

How have I changed over the past few years?

Most of the changes are pretty superficial, like I’ve moved cities, married, I’m fatter than I once was, I pay bills like a real adult.

Usually I feel like I haven’t grown at all, but other days I feel like a totally new person. I suppose a lot of it is that I’ve become a lot more emotionally mature.. I am not nearly as mean as I use to be. Just ask my sisters. Even though I still struggle with depression it’s not as deep and cavernous as it use to feel. I’ve started planning realistic goals and *actually* started working on them. Especially concerning my education.

I think a lot of the feeling of not growing comes from being with myself 24/7… people I interact with don’t see all the things that go through my head, I experience the un-edited version.

I’m sorry this is so short.. I’ve been working on an essay and a take-home exam, so I’m all typed-out for the day. I’ve been providing support for so many different people this week that my brain really needs a break. I’m happy to be able to help, but when my batteries get low, I really can’t ignore it or else bad things happen.

Look at my friend Erika’s day 10!

I’m sorry I failed all of everyone for forgetting my Day 8 post

But here is a double whammy!!!!!!! wooo

for day 8 I was supposed to talk about 3 bad habits I have and 3 good habits I’d like to have, and day 9 is the day to talk about someone that I’m interested in/find fascinating.

3 bad habits that are part of the reason that this post is late:

The first and probably the one with the most far-reaching consequences is that I go to bed too late.I always tell myself I’ll get to bed by 10:30 or 11pm… but here I am right now at ten minutes to 11 and I’m not even half way through this. Then I will get distracted by something on tv/youtube/facebook/reddit/tumblr and end up getting lost and finally realizing what time it is at half past midnight. Last night, for example, I was playing Child of Light (best game!!!) until 1am. And because my hubby hasn’t been sleeping well, I had to play with the cat for a while before feeling not guilty about going to bed and closing the door to leave her out.

my blurry kitty (laptop camera photo)
my blurry kitty (laptop camera photo)

And of course when you go to sleep late, you get up late. I’m definitely one of the people who need to be up early to get things done and feel good about my day, but I am in love with sleeping… I usually feel the most rested after about 9 hours. The best solution would be to tap into my inner granny and get the sleep I need while also being able to enjoy mornings.

The second is more of a mix of habit and health. I let myself think horrible things about myself, and I know it’s partly because of my current mental health, but I really want to be able to stop when I realize what I’m doing and even though it’s hard I want to tell myself that I am not worthless or a bad person. It doesn’t make sense to think those things, because I have so many amazing people in my life who wouldn’t want to be around me if it were true. I need to let myself trust them and change the way I think. It’s definitely going to be a long process.

Thirdly, the internet – and frankly computers – kill all of my productivity. Ever since my family got our first computer with an internet connection I was glued to it. It was even in my sister’s room, but there I was 80% of my free time. I feel kind of bad because she was probably completely sick of me, but it’s just one in the long line of my infatuation with screens and computers. The only time I ever get anything substantial done is when I purposely remove myself from technology, so I think I have to give myself a curfew.

One thing I’d like to incorporate into my routine would be drinking more water!! I’m constantly dehydrated, it’s so ridiculous. It should be common sense, but I just don’t keep water around me, and usually if I do, Will drinks it 😛

As for the day 9 section: discuss someone who fascinates me and why……

This is actually a lot harder to talk about.. I usually get super excited about series on tv or in books.. and actors or authors involved in those things. But I don’t really find myself  fixating on specific people.. even in my daily life.

In terms of people I admire.. I could list a few like Lucy Lawless, Katana Fatale, Ulorin Vex, my dad, Diamond Dallas Page, Felicia Day, Wil Wheaton, and my husband of course (why else would I marry him?)…. oh and Sips!

That’s a long list… usually I find people admirable or fascinating because of the activities and causes they invest themselves in and how *them* they are. I love that they are unapologetic and willing to help make other people’s lives better in some way.

so here again.. it’s super late. I am so sorry. I will endeavor to not let this happen again.

Check out Erika’s Day 8 and Day 9!